Accidental Pre-Mommy Learning Experience

Tonight I had a mini crash course in what I may expect in the years that are soon to come.

Picture it, dinner time. I'm hungry, the boy is hungry, the dog is hungry and no one wants to cook. Fantastic.

Usually I have an idea of what I'd like to make for dinner ahead of time but in recent months there's no reason for it because by time for dinner Tadpole may want something entirely off menu.

A few days ago my cousin Brandy posted that her sister-in-law was making her pork chops. PORK CHOPS! ME WANT!

I like, at all times, to have some pork chops in the freezer. After a few days, or possibly a week (who can tell? - the days all run together when you don't have a "real" job) I finally got around to doing something about thawing those frozen chops. And by "I finally got around to doing something", I mean this morning before the boy left for work I asked him to move them from the freezer into the fridge.

Back to the dilemma of everyone being hungry and no one being willing to cook. The result was the same as always. I man up and get in the kitchen.

Too tired to properly braise pork chops, create a demi-glace, and separately make some mushrooms to go with mine (because the boy doesn't eat "fungi"), I decide to fry them.

Side dishes would have to take a bake seat tonight because there were four thumbs in this house belonging to "this person" who wasn't willing to put in the effort. This knowledge made me play in my mind that scene from the chickenpox South Park episode.

Cartman: So, what kind of side dishes are we going to enjoy this evening with our frozen waffles?
(pause)
Cartman: Am I to understand there will be no side dishes?

In an attempt to cut down on time in the kitchen I prepare a zip-lock bag with what can essentially be considered a shake 'n bake mix. The plan was to have the boy be my helper and shake while I coat and re-coat the floured and panko'd pork chops as well as fried them. As I prepared my personal shake 'n bake mix I envisioned a toddling Tadpole in the kitchen helping mommy fry food for dinner.

The process went much slower than anticipated, much as I have been told that things go when you have a little one who wants to help. The difference here is the boy didn't particularly want to help. Visions of a toddling Tadpole helping "shake" food for dinner have not faded but have been altered to mommy having better sense and starting dinner much earlier.

The boy had never eaten fried pork chops and I am always happy to be the direct cause of his experiencing and enjoying a new dish. In the end, all parties involved were in agreeNOMt. The boy even decided to make his own inside-out chopwhich.

Thankfully dessert was much easier. Take 1 mini watermelon, cut in half, and share with a loved one. Feed remainder to furry loved one.

Another Liz Lemon Moment

It's been a hot minute since my last blog. There are a lot of things going on here right now. I am trying to get some more aprons together for you before I load any to Etsy and being pregnant has been (to say the least) a very interesting new development that is taking some getting used to.

I'll do my best in the near future to leave you with a more involved blog but it's been a while since I left you with a Liz Lemon moment.

And now, Liz Lemon:

I Am A Time Lord

Pro-Portional Designs is going to turn one very soon (October 24th) and is about to expand. Over this last year you have seen me move from a few small bags, to adding a couple of scarves, to introducing baby things, and for those who do not already know – aprons.

The aprons are not the expansion I’m referring to, that would make my posts saying that I had some new announcements coming up for you anything but new.

My trip to Virginia was not only because I was home-sick after not being able to visit for over a year but choosing to surprise my mother with this news on her birthday. Harder still for the boy, was waiting just over another week to tell his family on his own birthday as planned.

This morning the boy and I attended my very first sonogram for our first baby. This news has been hard not to blurt out for months now and harder still with one of the two friends I told leaving “hinty” comments all over my pages (*shakes fist at the perpetrator*).



The boy and I tried our hardest to prepare to be unable to see any distinguishable baby and at first it looked like things were going just that way. Suddenly, there was a very clear baby on the screen and a very clear heart-beat. For years we had been under the impression that babies do not kick in the womb and what is mistaken for kicks is actually the baby turning over or practicing breathing. This was not at all the case this morning. Once the doctor went in for a close-up view we saw a flurry of activity

I have concluded that having this second heart within my body is enough to now classify me as a time lord (see physiology).

Due Date: March 31st, 2011
Estimated date of conception: June 23rd, 2010
Boy or girl? We have no idea yet and will not be able to find out for a while yet.
Will we want to find out? Yes.
Will we tell you when we know? If you want to know then yes.
What day did you find out? We were 100% sure Friday, August 13th
Names? We have a few in mind and if any of you want to throw a name into the ring for consideration we are willing to listen. Right now we are not sharing our top running baby names but will tell you some of the silly names friends and family have thrown out as well as what we are currently referring to our fetus was (Tadpole).

Suggested names (mostly from brother-in-law's and their friends):
Fickle
Seven
Cheeseburger
Rodrick
Roger (Suggested by a family friend named Roger)
Ironhide
Ken More
Penelope (there was a second part to this that I can't remember but it ended up sound like a hooker name)
Angus
Ichabod (but most likely they meant this one)
Optimus
Carlos
Juan
Jesus
Satan

It's at this point I should probably mention in the boys family we aren't all known for giving pets and toys "standard" names and the fact that my in-laws live on a farm with a thousand animals to name as we please, doesn't help.

Examples of (a few) pet names:
Cats: Commander Caviar, Admiral Tuna, Steak, Seven, Cheeto (shown), Snacks, Fox-bear, Mayday
Ducks: Huey, Dewey, Louie
Geese: Peep, Napoleon, Genghis Khan
Pig: Piggy
Rabbits: Bubbles, Fudball
Goat: Pollyanna
Dogs: Awesome Possum, Cthulhu, Panda, Fudd, Fattie, Noodles

What Would You Do With A Buttload of Figs?

I have some ideas but there's no real point in thinking too hard about it unless a buttload of figs became a reality.

At the moment I can think of three ways to make that happen:

1)Start growing your own figs - lots of them

2)Buy figs - lots of them

3)Head over to Love & Olive Oil like I did and enter to win a buttload of figs.

Nomming At The Mad Greek

For days now I have had a strong desire for gyro. I'm partial to The Pita Pit on campus, but because I no longer live on campus, some effort is involved with getting to Pita Pit. Effort the boy had no desire to exert.

I charged him with the task of finding gyro's in our own section of the city and he came up with a place we have passed frequently but never tried before called, The Mad Greek.

Online reviews passed his inspection and off we went.

Upon arrival I noticed a drive-thru window. The boy has in the recent past mentioned that he felt any Greek place with a drive-thru window runs the high likely-hood that it should be avoided. It seems he has not forgotten this statement but did not notice the window as we drive past it while looking for a parking spot.

When you walk in there is a small front area with a few deli counters full of what I assume was Mediterranean fare (I didn't really look because I was pretty focused on getting food into my tummeh'.) Off to the right of the counters we found a hostess ready to seat us right away.

The rest of the restaurant is still very small with tables that, for my taste, were disturbingly close together*, but there were a lot of windows making this tiny restaurant relatively light.

Appetizers will not be a problem at the Mad Greek, there is quite a list to choose from. I decided on the spanikopita and some skordalia.

Our waitress was very sweet and pleasant but not frequently where she was able to be found. However, it was only her second day working there and for all I know, her first time as a waitress. Any mistakes that were made throughout the night she smiled and was very apologetic.

The appetizers came at a reasonable speed. The spanakopita was alright. The kind of spanakopita I grew up with and love leaves you reeking of it by the time you have finished. This was not at all that sort of spanakopita. I would recommend this to first timers, those who may not be quite so picky about it, or those who crave it badly enough that it doesn't matter how dead on the taste is. Would I be willing to eat it again? Yes, but it doesn't even rank if I were to create a list of the top spanakopita's I have eaten in my life. Is it better than the spinach and feta in a pocket sandwich from Amy's Kitchen? That may be for you to decide.

On to that skordalia. Skordalia is a dip that I can always get excited about, yesterday was no exception and that's really too bad. This was definitely the worst skordalia of my life. What was supposed to be a thick puree of Greek goodness was what can at best be described as soupy (and not necessarily a particularly good potato soup.)

After a bit of effort to wave down our waitress we ordered. I had the large gyro sans banana peppers and the boy had the large gyro with only meat and sauce. Alright foodies and particularly you Greek food lovers like myself, I'm sure you noticed it. That's right. I had to say "without banana peppers." Never in my life have I heard of a banana pepper finding its way onto a gyro. I was a little horrified. The sauce to be found on these gyros was not tzatziki, it was what was described as "creamy garlic sauce." The boy also opted to order a side of fries.

The gyros came but the fries did not. It once again took a bit of effort to find our waitress and let her know but she worked to remedy the solution quickly.

The gyros were quite tasty and I wasn't horribly disappointed, I would and will eat these in the future.

The fries were covered in some sort of indistinguishable seasoning which immediately left me disheartened but I forged on anyway. Perhaps I shouldn't have. The fries were not very good. What started off as a tasteless fry as you tried more became an oddly sweet fry. We asked for ketchup seeing what this would do for these forlorn potatoes. There is no other way to put this: the ketchup was completely disgusting and sweet, almost like sugar or some sort of sweetener had been dumped in to make what it may have began life as go further.

I'm not sure what happened. Perhaps management noticed the issues of plates not being cleared away as they emptied and more food coming or our need to flag down the waitress and her returning with more food that may have been obviously overlooked, but we were suddenly being taken care of by multiple servers that we had not previously seen. Including what seemed to be the owner himself. Drinks were refilled and we were repeatedly asked if we were alright and if we needed anything.

When the time came to pay the check, I had a bit left on my plate. The waitress whisked it off and packed it up for me, which I didn't expect because I had seen another patron packing their own food up to go for them-self. I also ordered some hummus to go. I tried the hummus this morning for breakfast and it was similar to the skordalia experience. Worst. Hummus. Ever.

Believe it or not kids, I didn't consider the night or the restaurant completely awful. Maybe it was just because I enjoy date night with my husband so much but I don't think the Mad Greek experience was a bust.

My overall rating is three stars. I liked it but didn't love it. It's very convenient to where I live and the gyros were worth remembering for when I want some in the future. Would I travel from campus to get here and try it? No, definitely not. If you are looking for authentic Greek - this is not it. But really, you shouldn't look for authentic anything that isn't Ethiopian food in this area of Ohio because you probably won't find it.



* The people at the next table could not only hear what we were saying if they wanted to but the couple was pretty obviously attempting to do so. They also paid attention to what we ordered (even though they were there first) and made a comment on their way out (conversational and moderately polite but not at all necessary.)

A Word About Food Theivery

All food thievery is wrong. Totally, unbelievable, undeniably, you're-going-to-burn-for-this wrong. I feel even strong about this when it comes to sandwiches. If you doubt how strongly I feel about this - you can ask my husbands grandma and his cousin.

ANYHOW. I am sitting here waiting for dinner and all I can think about is the Ross Geller sandwich with the moist maker. I have decided that in the near future, I will require one (or I might die.) I got sidetracked, by you tube, when looking for a "recipe" or a transcript from the show to remember exactly what goes on it.



In conclusion, food thievery is wrong. Don't do it. Ever. You'll burn for it. Now I'm off to eat my dinner.

Last Night at The Tuna

In the Gateway in The Ohio State Campus area there is a local bar called Ugly Tuna Saloona. A place I personally like for their drinks that come in a fishbowl served up with what seems like six billion straws and a toy alligator filled with a shot.

About a week or two ago I got a Facebook event notification from Ugly Tuna about jello wrestling. I'd never seen jello wrestling in person and thought it may be an interesting way to spend a Friday night.

The day of the event I went back to the Facebook event page and looked it over to make sure I could properly formulate plans for the evening. And I got distracted. By prize money.

The flooding in our house has lead to a lot of extra expense that we cannot afford. As a matter of fact, we needed the prize money to make sure we made it until the boys next pay check.

I text messaged some friends and family to see if they thought I stood a snowballs chance is Hades in a wrestling match. Almost all results were positive. My fathers response was (no surprise here) like none other. He basically thought I was going to be in some sort of street brawling prize fight because I was being intentionally vague and avoiding telling my daddy that I'd be jello wrestling. It got to the point where I needed to clarify his little girl had no notions of high-stakes, back ally, wrestling for money.

My text: "In jello"
His: "Crickets"

The boy was kind enough to quickly round me up a small cheering section and we all met at Tuna around 9:30 so there would be enough time to sign up for the event and stake out spots to stand.

The inflatable pool the wrestling was to take place in was already out and up against the stage to keep it out of the way until the time was much nearer and they would lay it out.

[Hunting through your clothes for jello wrestling appropriate apparel is somewhat interesting. I picked a pair of shorts I don't mind if they were destroyed and a shirt that was already partially destroyed and slightly ill-fitting to go over my bikini.]

The event started late (around 11 instead of 10). While we waited for people to sign up and the games to begin we watched the inflatable pool be filled by security with trash bag after trash bag of jello (most of what appeared to be lime but I definitely saw some orange once).

During the sign-up and wait it was revealed that contestants would actually be fishing toy sharks out of the pool instead of a straight wrestling match). The first girl to get eight out of the possible fifteen toy sharks in her bucket would be the winner.

When the time I went up on stage and stepped behind a screen where I was given a shirt and some boxer shorts. When I found out I didn't have to wear them I chose not to and set them with my clothes.

I was not first to go and I was glad of it. I wanted to watch and see what to expect.

I won the first round and had actually thought I lost and was pretty bummed.

Between rounds we were handed a giant wad of paper towels to do our best to towel off while we waited.

I went three or four total rounds, each with a different girl. One in particular, with another brown beauty who if I caught it correctly was named Rachel, had gone a particularly rough two rounds. The shark finding turned into actual jello wrestling / cat fighting and not of her own devise from what I saw. I had no interest in cat fighting this girl so I made sure to shake her hand before the match.

Finally it was down to me and one last girl, Anya. Anya, not unlike myself, had no interest in sudden cat fighting in jello. I assured her I had no intention of picking a fight.

Fortune smiled upon me and I was able to take first prize, adding enough funds to our bank account to insure we make it to the next check. I also got to keep the shirt I was given to wear while wrestling and a Budweiser hat.

The boy was given the camera to get pictures for ya'll, but the bar was so packed (and of course he wanted to watch) so all photos we have are from afterward in the parking lot where I continued to wipe off with some clothes from the trunk of one of our cars. A lot of photos were taken so I feel some may surface on the internet and will keep an eye out to link you to the action shots from the night.

Here are some of my learned facts about jello wrestling:
1) It's only a bit cold when you first get in. You get used to it and it's no sad bad.
2) Jello is beyond hard to just wipe off

3) Your butt is apparently a jello magnet. It will require attention.
4) It turns back into powder when it dries.

Not to over-extend an already lengthy post too far here is a quick, boy's eye view commentary:

Around noon on Friday the wife tells me that she wants to enter a jello wrestling contest. I was stunned, amused, mildly confused, and a bit excited. I told her I'd support her if she chose to do it and went about rounding up a cheering section.

We arrived around 9 to make sure we had time to sign up and were apparently in no danger of not being accepted since they didn't start until after 11. The crowd sucked. I will admit I was disappointed and worried when I found it was shark wrangling rather than jello wrestling since I was confident my wife could whoop those skinny little rich girls but I wasn't sure how fast she could gather toy sharks. Watching the other girls I became confident again that my wife could still beat them, especially the ones who didn't get down and dirty in the jello. So of course she ran through the competition even that last girl who was cheating before the match only to be out-done by my oh so clever wife.

The couple fights in the jello were fun to watch, the fights that almost took place in the crowd were exciting and walking away with a proud yet sticky wife and two hundred dollars richer was fantastic.